Becoming a more differentiated person makes you better as an individual and better in relationships. Differentiation is a lifelong process of personal growth - and relationships are what push us to grow. One major factor in differentiation is Sense of Self. Sense of self is:
* Knowing who you are and being able to accept influence from others
* Having a sense of what you value and what's important to you
* Who you are does not change based on who you are close to. You stay solid in spite of great pressure from those around you.
* Maintaining a solid sense of self can be very difficult in relationships because those we love will pressure us to to do what they want. This is a normal process of relationships. But truly differentiated people can maintain a sense of self in spite of this pressure.
Having a solid sense of self is sexy because knowing who you are frees you up to get close to someone without anxiety overwhelming you. Self-confidence brings a willingness to try new things, to push your limits (even if you are uncomfortable) and to validate yourself (e.g. to say to yourself "Yes, I'm hot!"). This translates into great sex!
Ask yourself, "What do I do when I feel pressure in relationships to conform to what they want?" This question is a great place to start in your development of sense of self.
Here's to a more solid sense of self!
Jennifer
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