So far we've talked about how important it is to differentiate in relationships: 1) develop a strong sense of self, 2 )self-soothe (manage your own anxiety), and 3) manage your reactivity (don't overreact and take things personally). The 4th way to develop self in intimate relationships is to Tolerate Pain for Growth. But why would anyone want to tolerate pain?! Here are a few good reasons:
* in order to grow as an individual or in relationships you will inevitably endure painful experiences, thoughts and feelings
* tolerating pain for growth leads to hot sex! When you understand that you must continue to grow and push through uncomfortable situations in order to have great sex you will be willing to tolerate pain for growth
* a person who doesn't push self to grow loses a sense of who they are. Many of my clients talk about how it feels like they were dying inside when they refused face pain
* facing tough choices, tough issues and managing painful, intense feelings is a great thing to role model for your children
But the choice is always yours...it's very hard - I know. Do you fear pain and change? Or do you learn to tolerate and expect there will be pain - so you can grow and live a fulfilling life and relationship?
Thursday, October 25, 2012
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